People became very troubled on social media after finding out the reality of the boys’ locker room case. People are demanding to punish the real culprit. A police investigation has revealed that a girl had made a fake profile and suggested planning her own gang rape.
Everything leads us to believe that the shock wave recently provoked by the Weinstein affair has not stopped spreading.
This news refers us to the education we are giving today to our children, boys, and girls. Respect for the body and the desire of the other, consent. So many concepts that it now seems essential to discuss from an early age.
How to approach the subject with our “little ones”? What words to use? How can we avoid conveying, sometimes despite ourselves, sexist clichés? So we face the question:
How to take the proper measures to prevent The Bois Locker Room Incident?
- You can use the master word, talk
- Make your child the concept of consent
- Tell her about talking freely about sexual matters with the older ones
- Telling your girl about identity construction
- Make your children understand stay under the right influence
- Prevent harassment, a collective prevention subject
- Use of preventive educational role
- Address the issue from an early age
- Keeping your child away from negative influences
- Educate boys and girls in mutual respect
- Tell your girl how to defend herself
- Teach her to respect each other and respect the other
- Be care of the adolescent times
- Same about the boys
Here is how to prevent Bois Locker Room
You can use the master word, talk!
It is first of all about talking about it without complex, to name and play down and this, from kindergarten! An anecdote, from “real life” or not, will allow the child to identify himself if necessary.
Putting words into a situation will give him the keys to protect himself from it and will more simply encourage him to confide when he feels personally concerned.
In case you lack inspiration, there are many supports!
Used to being worn, changed, in short, “handled” by parents, nannies, doctors, etc., too many children believe that an adult has all the rights over them. Through his book “Let you not do it,” Jocelyne Robert invites us to take a fundamental prevention approach with our cherubs and to establish the power that is theirs over their bodies and their lives.
Because we must teach them that the big bad wolf, unfortunately, does not exist only in fairy tales! And it is always with as much pedagogy that strives to teach children to differentiate the tender hugs of Mom who are good from those which we just do not want, in “Respect my body”: essential!
Make Your Child Understand the Concept of Consent
Your little treasure has understood that his body belongs to him: no one should hurt him or force him to do what he would not want, regardless of his gender and throughout his life! What if we talk about “reciprocal”?
How to explain the concept of consent to him? Experts recommend segmenting learning by age group.
The best way to teach
The best way to educate children (in the process of exploring their body) about consent is to simply tell them that they can’t touch just anyone, anywhere. In elementary school, we can discuss the difference between a shared kiss and a stolen kiss and explain why the second should not be practiced.
The fact of not forcing his child to embrace anyone (including his parents) is also an excellent way to introduce them to consent.
The Right Imposition of Gestures
Imposing gestures of affection on him could actually make him think that it is normal to have physical interactions with adults, for example, although he does not want to. The child must be told that he has the right not to consent.
Tell Her about Talking Freely About Sexual Matters with The Older Ones
Your little one grew up and entered college than high school. At the dawn of his first sexual intercourse, it is essential to talk about it freely with him, as soon as the opportunity arises and not only on request from him (you could wait a long time) and to make sure that he understands what consent consists of.
Your teen will then know what attitude to adopt, support, or abstain from, according to his own desires on the one hand and those of the other.
Telling Your Girl about Identity Construction
Whatever his or her country and culture of origin, education, and character are, every child tends to exaggerate what makes him a little boy (I carry a sword, and I play knight), or a little girl (I wear a crown, and I am a princess).
We unconsciously promote this mode of identity construction by answering our son, who was abused at recess: “you have to defend yourself! »And to our daughter:« you must tell the teacher. This is how, very early on, many little boys integrate: “I have to fight” when little girls understand “I am incapable of defending myself.”
Insidiously, we teach action to our boys, passivity to our girls, and condemn them to honor this polarity over time in the face of adversity. Only respect for the child and his personality and awareness, and benevolent exchange will overcome what has long been perceived as inevitable and will then contribute to a profound and essential reshuffle of our society!
Make Your Children Stay Under the Right Influence
Many studies have been done by observing children in a toy store. In addition to the very marked color codes of the rays (I will not teach you anything by specifying that the dominant is blue for boys and pink for girls), it is clear that we often direct our cherubs ourselves to the toys that are theirs.
Initially intended: for boys, cars and pistols, girls, the dinette and dolls!
Use of Literature
There is also so much to say (and repeat) about children’s literature, and what better time than reading in the evening a privileged moment of sharing with your child and conducive to discussion to dismantle the image of Snow White passing by.
Her days are dusting while the seven dwarfs are working, or that of Sleeping Beauty, whose life depends on the kiss of her Prince Charming, which she will wait for 100 years.
Prevent harassment, a collective prevention subject
That said, the 21st century sees the masculinization of the female gender normalize (our girls are invited to continue their studies, to ensure their future financial independence). But when will we see the feminization of men?
When will we stop blaming little boys “you cry like a girl!” And when will we encourage them to express their emotions, when will they be able to play with dolls publicly without feeling judged, when will we be able to talk about an honest sharing of domestic chores at home?
Gender equality is also played out within the family unit. The role of parents is still essential because a child builds his identity by identification. Thus, a little boy, whose father cooks, for example, will consider it quite normal for a man to be in charge of the stoves and will naturally be more inclined to perpetuate this pattern into adulthood.
Use of Preventive Educational Role
It goes without saying that this preventive educational role also belongs to the school, which, in the name of the Republic, has for mission to inculcate the values of freedom, equality (between the sexes, among others), and fraternity and the government to take all the necessary measures (financial, legal, media) to prevent and educate upstream, listen actively and defend as it should be harassed, punish accordingly and put out of harm to the harassers.
The Idea of Protection
It is our common responsibility to protect and guide our young people towards the path of equality and respect in order to change mentalities finally! What if we could give them hope for a better world where they can grow and flourish in safety and serenity?
It deserves to be worked on, right? The news around sexual harassment generates a lot of concern among adolescents. To reassure them and at the same time give them good benchmarks, here are some avenues to follow.
Address the Issue from an Early Age
The issue of sexuality and sexual harassment should not be addressed only when cases like Weinstein arise. It is essential to talk about it from an early age, from kindergarten. “We have to talk about non-violence, equality between girls and boys, and non-discrimination.
Teach them respect for non-consent, their rights (international convention on the rights of the child), to know their body and the intimate parts, to be able to identify and name the violence they suffer or to which they are witnesses, to show solidarity with the victims and to know how to protect and support them.
Keeping Your Child Away from Negative Influences
It is also essential to protect them from sexist behavior and pornographic images or videos. For his part, the psychiatrist and practitioner in the child psychiatry department at the hospital consider that it is also necessary “to support his remarks, by referring to the law and to tell the children the risks they run to harass someone.” “But at the same time, it is essential that the child understands that the laws are also made to protect them,” specifies the specialist.
Ultimately, it is preferable that during adolescence, boys have conversations with their father and girls with their mother because they will feel better with someone who lives in a body of the same sex as theirs by referring to the law and telling children the risks they run in harassing someone”.
Educate Boys and Girls in Mutual Respect
But defining what is prohibited is not enough. We must educate our boys and girls in mutual respect. And there, the question is “more subtle,” notes Dr. Stéphane Clerget. According to him, “the best thing is to set an example for the child.” We must therefore be vigilant about our way of behaving with men and women. “
And above all, do not hesitate to point the finger at the bad behavior of others such as sexist remarks. It is also possible to comment on advertisements or malicious film passages. As a result, the child will integrate the importance of respect for the other,” adds the specialist in adolescence.
Tell Your Girl How to Defend Herself
Girls must, of course, be taught to defend themselves, but not necessarily physically. The most important thing is that they know how to defend themselves verbally.
“This does not mean that they should insult their stalker, but rather threaten him by saying that they will file a complaint.” Also, they should be encouraged to express their disagreement more clearly and firmly.
Teach her to Respect Each Other and Respecting the Other
Girls are still too often questioned about their clothes, reproaching them for looking for their stalkers or attackers for fear that something happens to their children; parents sometimes make comments about their dress style or makeup.
But these words can be hurtful. How to teach girls to respect each other without hurting them? There is no need to say things directly”.
Be Care of the Adolescent Times
In adolescence, girls want to seduce, and sometimes they get tangled up, thinking that being a femme fatale would help them win the hearts of the opposite sex. In this case, explain to your daughter why such outfit or behavior is not appropriate and say that their desire to please can be misinterpreted.
For the youngest, aged 11, who want to start applying makeup, it must be explained that they can be taken for older people. They must be informed about the risks and consequences that this may involve. In other words, a young man of 17 may think that they are 15 and ask them to have a sexual relationship, for example.
Same About the Boys
We must not forget the boys who can also be impacted by these cases of sexual harassment, which the media are talking about all the time. Indeed, they may feel targeted or be afraid to approach girls for fear of being misunderstood by them.
Therefore, we must explain to them that sexual desire is not prohibited but that we must express ourselves courteously with the opposite sex. They need to understand the concept of consent, not just for sex but also for a first kiss. For the latter, he must ask the permission of the girl. This rule also concerns girls “.
Important Things to Know
Sexual abuse or violence rarely happens once but is almost always a repeat offense. Sexual abuse/violence can usually be easily distinguished from tender exchanges and physical contact between the people involved in the perceptions and feelings of the girls, boys, and other wards are taken seriously and respected by those responsible.
When adults use friendly-looking physical contacts to satisfy power and sexual needs, it is always abuse, even if the victims allow it, because they experience closeness as affection. The perpetrator-victim relationship often begins with emotional abuse.
What Exactly Is Sexual Abuse?
Sexual abuse or sexual exploitation always occurs when a person uses a child, a young person, or another person under protection to act out and satisfy his or her own sexual needs or needs for power.
The perpetrator uses his position of power and dependency due to ignorance of the person under protection and thus ignores personal limits. He sees the person affected (victim) only as an object that is used for his own needs. Sexual abuse has nothing to do with free and healthy sexuality.
Why Does One Also Speak Of “Sexual Violence” In This Context?
Sexual abuse is violence. Sexuality is the means to an end with which the perpetrator can exercise violence and demonstrate power. It is not uncommon for sexual and physical violence to be used at the same time. For example, if the victim is beaten or forcibly detained.
How Do They Do It? Perpetrator Strategies
Sexual assaults or the use of violence often do not spontaneously occur but are planned “well in advance.” In the run-up to the abuse, the perpetrators establish an ever closer network of relationships and trust with the later injured party, in which family, friends, colleagues, etc., are also included.
In the shadow of this trust, closeness to the person selected for the attack is sought without arousing suspicion.
The best protection for the perpetrators is when nobody can imagine that this personable man or this nice woman should be capable of “something like that.” Offenders always do their best and manipulate the dynamic environment to build a positive image of themselves.
How Can I Empower Children And Those Under Protection To Face The Perpetrators?
Girls and boys and other eligible persons to be protected, who defend themselves against small attacks and have a strong sense of self, are not suitable persons for a planned sexual offense from the perpetrator’s point of view.
On the other hand, the perpetrators increase the extent of the assaults in people who silently and ashamedly tolerate border violations and ultimately promote the initiation of sexual violence.
Sexual abuse is the conscious use of closeness and trust through sexual acts, with and without (physical) violence: “hands-on” or “hands-off” acts. Sexual abuse often occurs in a relationship of power and dependency. The perpetrators use their power over those affected (victims) to satisfy their own needs. Sexual abuse or violence is an act planned, well prepared, and deliberate by the perpetrator and not an oversight or slip.
Sexual abuse or violence is more likely to be perpetrated by people from the immediate social environment of those affected (victims) than by complete strangers.
FAQs About Boys Locke Room Incident Prevention
If I see such an indication of an incident that is going to happen, then what should I do?
It is better to talk to your kid as soon as possible and find out if he or she has been a victim or planning anything wrong. Immediately start a conversation with your child and if needed, initiate psychological consultations.
Should I make my child aware of sexual abuse when she is really young?
She should be taught about how the seniors and mates should touch her, what is safe touch and what is unsafe touch, etc, at least, and when she grows up, she should be given proper info.
How often should I discuss these matters with my child?
At least once or twice a month you should be having these conversations with your child.